Truth is...

I never do this. Therefore I have to do this.

Listing 10 items, people, events, for which I am thankful.

1. I am grateful to have met you, even for one year, for all the love and support you gave me. Even though you are gone, I am so so thankful for your words, you gave me the guts to dream again.
2. Music, poetry, thank you for coming to my rescue in high times of insanity. Lord knows what I would be without you both. Grateful to listen and create.
3. Parents, brothers, for your increase in support these past few months. It took me moving away from home, but I feel closer to you than I have in a long time.
4. L, thanks for using me and lying to me in the lowest way possible. I will never do what I did with you again.
5. Sunshine, thank you for warming my bones and reminding me it is ESSENTIAL to my health and well being that I go outside.
6. To airplanes. Without you, I would never have seen as much of the world as I have, nor would I be able to see my extended family on the other side of the world.
7. Gigi, thank you for still being a good friend of mine 12 years later. To another 12 years.
8. Smiles. You guys make the world a better place every time.
9. Yoga, meditation, higher power, I appreciate your ability to raise my consciousness above the painstaking reality of the shortcomings I find in other people. I will cultivate this newfound appreciation.
10. To strong, independent women who express their hurt caused by others, thank you for allowing me to feel as crazy as I do, and for sharing your stories.

A habit I am trying to absolve.

mobbleberry:

You’re my midnight snack,
I’ll gnaw on your ear,
gobble you up like a big mac.
I’ll plunder sweet-wrapper-kisses,
from your lips.
Nibble your fingers like a bag of chips.
I am a glutton for you,
I know you’re bad for me…
and yet, I still chew. 

She uses her smile to thrill,

Keeps her eyes for the kill,

Her kindness to trap,

Her wrath to keep you in her grasp.

There you stand, keeping still.

Another page, another you,

He uses all the words you know made me blue,

With a punch of truth I know the gossip spilt,

For he just met me but is making me wilt,

Setting blatant traps that fail, but make me review, you.

I know, I know, I can smell it,

I’m a smart girl but I can’t help it.

You and I were not to be, for she is your it,

And if you are the kind to ruin our it,

Then I shall let it, let you, let her, and quit.

It’s like that Devotchka song, I can feel this is the first tier of that melody, until the “ding” of the xylophone rings and the tune speeds up in a whirlwind of love, and progress.

The notorious ‘they’ are split in two. Those who follow and those who lead. Yet again those are split into those who follow blindly versus those who follow despite their doubt; those who lead can be repetitious of their idols and predecessors to continue the thread of normalcy and comfort, yet they can also be the revolutionary few who go in the direction of noncorfomity, and lead their lives to fulfill new bodies of thought.

I’m leaving one group to rejoin another.

“Let’s go,” I’m saying to myself, and to this wall, to this post, to the overzealous but loving monster I have been quieting and petting back into submission for years.

I’m 23 years old. It’s time. Let’s go. This time I’ll lead, and leave those who won’t follow.